Helpful article on grandparents

Relationships with Grandparents
by Mary Steinke

They share an energetic personality, a love for Grandma Cake, and a birthday. My son and his grandmother both celebrate their birthdays on the same day. Life couldn't be better for Daniel on those days. It's his birthday, his grandparents visit, and there's a double-birthday celebration.

Every season has celebrations and family milestones for grandparents--graduations and Mother's Day in the spring, Father's Day in the summer, Thanksgiving in the fall, Christmas in the winter, and new babies, anniversaries, and birthdays sprinkled in all around.

Often these family benchmarks fulfill the dreams and prayers of a lifetime for grandparents, because most grandparents impart a profound, positive influence on the family and in the lives of their grandchildren.

Grandparents will just burst with pride as their grandkids reach new levels of maturity. Grandma will dab away tears while granddad struggles to hold them back. Maybe they will do all three. All at the same time. And wise parents will embrace whatever amount of time and attention grandparents invest in the lives of their grandkids.

Yes, there are problematic grandparents. I've known a few and so have you. Yes, I've heard parents bemoan the fact that the grandparents aren't doing their "job," like not watching the grandchildren for an overnight, not attending school functions or not being interested in their grandkids' latest craze.

But for me, with one set of my children's grandparents in heaven and the other set living far away, I've learned to be grateful for what my children have--instead of pining for what I wish they had in the grandparent department.

In my dream world, my children would possess what I knew as a child--one set of grandparents who lived in town and another set whose once-a-year visit was a momentous event.

As a child, my grandparents in town resided in my everyday life. They attended the same church, babysat, and taught me how to ride a bike. My grandparents who visited once a year existed in my Christmas/Easter/Birthday anticipation. Time was precious with them so they spoiled me with ice cream indulgences and snuggle stories. I knew my grandparents in town better. Yet the memories of my other grandparents remain just as priceless.

As a parent, ask yourself these questions:

* What are my expectations for my children's grandparents?

* Are they realistic?

* Do I long to give my kids the same experiences I had as a child?

* Is that even possible?

* Am I resentful because my children don't have grandparents, don't have a "dream" relationship with them, have problematic grandparents or they seem uninvolved?

* Can I choose to find contentment in what my children have instead of continually wishing for something else?

Parents often hope that one day our adult children will thank us for all we've done on their behalf and forgive us for our failings. In the same way, we need to thank our children's grandparents for what they do and forgive them for what they leave undone.

You see, when I'm feeling sorry for myself, I envision all that's left undone, because my children's maternal grandparents passed away. But I have a choice. I can choose contentment over discontentment by sharing stories with my children about their grandparents so they can know them in different way.

Also, I can choose to remember that my children are blessed with extraordinary paternal grandparents, who see their grandchildren many times a year-- despite the distance. In essence, I've learned the hard way that I must count my blessings first before I count my challenges.

So if your children don't have grandparents, consider adopting some in your church, in your neighborhood or in a retirement community.

If the grandparents are problematic, pray.

If the grandparents don't seem connected, start sending photos or artwork, call instead of waiting for them to call, visit them and invite them to visit you-- often.

For no matter their age, their health or their distance, grandparents can be a remarkable blessing in the lives of their grandchildren.


About the Author
Mary speaks at retreats and moms groups, teaches Bible studies, writes many Hearts at Home newspaper articles, and serves on the Publishing Team for Hearts at Home. Before children, she worked in full-time ministry as chaplain in such diverse settings as nursing homes and prisons. Mary resides in Normal, Illinois, with her husband, Harry, and three sons.

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