Losing myself

Since the addition of baby number five, I often feel like I've lost myself. Oh, I haven't developed a split personality or anything : ), but it seems that the Amy I used to know has vanished. Instead of becoming a more interesting, accomplished person, I seem to have been replaced by this person who constantly says things like, "May I PLEASE have a drink, Mama?" or "Please pick up your shoes." This new person scrubs, feeds, finds things, counts children, and disciplines around the clock. I live my life in a new kind of survival mode. It's been so long since I've thought a complete thought (much less slept a complete night, eaten a complete meal, completely cleaned a room or completely finished anything!). A friend reminded me this week that this is what Christ called me to do...to lose my life for HIS sake. I am comforted by the fact that this "lost to self place" is the best place for me. Doing it for HIS sake (instead of for the praise of others, for the adoration of my children--impossible anyway!) makes this truly the life God intends for me!

"And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
Matthew 10:39