Losing myself

Since the addition of baby number five, I often feel like I've lost myself. Oh, I haven't developed a split personality or anything : ), but it seems that the Amy I used to know has vanished. Instead of becoming a more interesting, accomplished person, I seem to have been replaced by this person who constantly says things like, "May I PLEASE have a drink, Mama?" or "Please pick up your shoes." This new person scrubs, feeds, finds things, counts children, and disciplines around the clock. I live my life in a new kind of survival mode. It's been so long since I've thought a complete thought (much less slept a complete night, eaten a complete meal, completely cleaned a room or completely finished anything!). A friend reminded me this week that this is what Christ called me to do...to lose my life for HIS sake. I am comforted by the fact that this "lost to self place" is the best place for me. Doing it for HIS sake (instead of for the praise of others, for the adoration of my children--impossible anyway!) makes this truly the life God intends for me!

"And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
Matthew 10:39

Ideas for Waiting

I found these ideas in a random parenting magazine and thought they were helpful. They are ways to keep kids busy while waiting (maybe during a church business meeting?!). The starting points are things from your purse.

I've been thinking that if I post my favorite ideas here, I can throw away the little paper that I tore from the magazine that's been sitting on my counter for too long. I know, I should probably keep the paper in my purse, but that is already too full of junk. I could try to keep these ideas in my head, but that's full too. Maybe if I can get my kids to read and memorize these, they'll know what to do next time they are "so bored."

A tissue:
-Wrap a tissue around a small object from your purse and see if your child can guess what it is from the shape alone.
-Wad up a tissue and let your kid see how far she can blow it across a table. Then crumple up another one and make it a race.
-Use your tissue as a trampoline to launch smaller objects, like a mint or a penny, into the air and catch them again.

A pen:
-Draw smiling faces on two of your kid's fingers for instant dolls--perfect for singing "Where is Thumbkin?" If they get lonely, create a new friend on your own finger and join the song.
-Scribble a line on a piece of paper, then let your child use it as a starting point for a full-fledged drawing. Will your doodle become a dinosaur? A banana?
-Can your child make the pen stand upright on its end, even for a few seconds? Can she balance it on her hand?
-Draw something you can see nearby, like a clock or a mug. See how long it takes your child to name it, then find it.

A mirror:
-Breathe on a pocket mirror to steam it up, then use your finger to draw a shape or a letter. Once your child IDs it, give him a turn.
-If you're outside or near a window, show your child how to reflect sunlight onto a nearby tree or the ground. By wiggling his hand, he can make the light dance.
-Hold the mirror in front of your child, then pop up a toy over his shoulder and say, "Peekaboo!" Once he catches on that he's seeing a reflection of what's behind him, he'll want to hold the mirror himself to check out what's going on behind his back.

A lipstick:
-Let your kid make a lipstick mark on a piece of scratch paper, then fold the paper in half and press it together. When he opens it up, there's a matching lipstick mark on the opposite side.
-Putting makeup on a toddler isn't your normal MO, but with a dab of lipstick on, she'll have a ball making kiss marks on her arm, a piece of paper--and of course, your cheek.

A Good Way to Keep Perspective

"Treat your children as if
you won't have them next year.
Train your children as if
they won't have you next year."

Holly Elliff today on Revive Our Hearts radio here

Growing Little Women

I'm going to start this discipleship curriculum soon with my oldest daughter who is almost 7. I bought it this week and it looks great.

Great parenting mp3s

I've enjoyed listening to these lectures by Tedd Tripp (posted by Andy Naselli) this week. What a blessing to be able to get some good teaching on parenting while scrubbing the floor! I especially needed the reminders about establishing authority with my little kids.

Jar Day

The house was a mess this morning, so we had "Jar Day". It's not the first time I've tried this, but the kids seem to enjoy it. We do it on days when things are really starting to fall apart (ie. the whole house needs cleaning). They help me think of "fun" activities to write on little pieces of paper (have fruit snacks, play on computer for 15 minutes, watch a movie for 15 minutes, read for 15 minutes with Mama, go outside for 15 minutes, have popsicles, etc.). We put all of these papers in one jar, the "Fun Jar". We also fill a mom-directed "Chore Jar" with slips of paper listing various chores to be done around the house (most should take about 15 minutes). Everyone does the "fun" and the "chore" together. Kaisa started by picking a task out of the "Chore Jar" which everyone worked on until it was done. Then she got to pick a "fun" thing to do. (Usually I let them choose two "fun" things and decide which one they would like best. Some kids prefer the computer to a snack, or sometimes we get two snacks in a row.) We went back and forth between the two jars all morning long. I worked on the kitchen while they had their fun, and the house is looking much better now. It helps that at least my two oldest are fairly helpful. I find that if I tackle a bedroom or the basement with them and give them ideas of what to do, the job gets done much more smoothly than if I leave them to do it themselves (which leads to tattling about who is not working, etc.).

God-assigned and secondary roles

Another quote from last week's C.J. Mahaney post:

"When considering our schedules, we have endless options. But there are a few clear priorities and projects, derived from my God-assigned roles, that should occupy the majority of my time during a given week. And there are a thousand tasks of secondary importance that tempt us to devote a disproportionate amount of time to completing an endless to-do list. And if we are lazy, we will neglect the important for the urgent."

It's important for me to be reminded what my "God-assigned roles" are:

Titus 2 says, "...and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."

God-glorifier (by being a...)
Husband-lover
Child-lover
Self-controlled, sound-minded person
Pure person
Worker at home
Kind person
Submitter

Anything else is a secondary or "Me-assigned role". . . and there are many!

Living the Dream

"I'm living my dream, you know. I just didn't know it would be so messy."

A quote from my stay-at-home-mom neighbor, Heather, last week during one of those "perfect for baking" rainy days!

Busyness and Laziness

From C.J. Mahaney:

...the realization that I could be simultaneously busy and lazy, that I could be a hectic sluggard, that my busyness was no immunity from laziness, became a life-altering and work-altering insight. What I learned is that:

• Busyness does not mean I am diligent
• Busyness does not mean I am faithful
• Busyness does not mean I am fruitful
  

Recognizing the sin of procrastination, and broadening the definition to include busyness, has made a significant alteration in my life. The sluggard can be busy—busy neglecting the most important work, and busy knocking out a to-do list filled with tasks of secondary importance.

This is an important subject and excellent for self-evaluation. I've realized recently that almost every time I am asked or ask "How have you been?" the answer is "busy." After reading this post by C.J. Mahaney, I realize that busyness is not necessarily a virtue!

True Woman 08

This past weekend, I attended a conference in Schaumburg, Illinois, that was unlike any other I have ever attended. The True Woman conference, sponsored by Revive our Hearts (the radio program of Nancy Leigh DeMoss) and other similar ministries, was not a "fluffy" women's conference. We enjoyed solid, doctrinal teaching on biblical womanhood. Some of the other things that set this conference apart were the exceptional music (led by Keith and Kristyn Getty) and heavy emphases on prayer, repentance, surrender and humility. Part of the purpose of the conference was to show how feminism has infiltrated the church and our own individual lives. I especially enjoyed Mary Kassian's message on the history and rise of feminism in our culture. I'll mention, lastly, that the conference was also BIG; there were over 6000 women there and thousands of others who watched it via live streaming. (The venue could not hold any more than 6000, so registration was ended back in August.) We sat for hours at a time in the same place because there simply was not room to let everyone go take a break at the same time! It was very encouraging to see that many women who value marriage and mothering and male leadership in the church. You can listen to the messages online here. Some of the speakers included Joni Eareckson Tada, John Piper, Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Mary Kassian, Janet Parshall, and Karen Loritts.

Oh, and the best part was that I got to go with my mom!

Too True

I'm not sure of the source on this (I got it in an e-mail), but it is a nice play on those children's books by Laura Joffe Numeroff and Felicia Bond.

If you give a mom a muffin,
she'll want a cup of coffee to go with it.
She'll pour herself some.
Her three-year-old will spill the coffee.
She'll wipe it up.
Wiping the floor, she will find dirty socks.
She'll remember she has to do laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer,
she'll trip over boots and bump into the freezer.
Bumping into the freezer will remind her
she has to plan supper.
She will get out a pound of hamburger.
She'll look for her cookbook. (101 Things To Make With A Pound Of Hamburger.)
The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.
The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two-year-old.
She'll smell something funny.
She'll change the two-year-old.
While she is changing the two-year-old the phone will ring.
Her five-year-old will answer and hang up.
She'll remember that she wants to phone a friend to come for coffee.
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.
She will pour herself some.
And chances are, if she has a cup of coffee, her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.

The Homemaker--free to develop second bests

On the Girltalk blog this week, they used this quote from the twentieth century British author G.K. Chesterton. It is from his essay entitled “The Emancipation of Domesticity”. Great stuff to think about today...

“In other words, there must be in every center of humanity one human being upon a larger plan; one who does not "give her best," but gives her all…..

The woman is expected to cook: not to excel in cooking, but to cook; to cook better than her husband who is earning [a living] by lecturing on botany or breaking stones….the woman is expected to tell tales to the children, not original and artistic tales, but tales--better tales than would probably be told by a first-class cook.

But she cannot be expected to endure anything like this universal duty if she is also to endure the direct cruelty of competitive or bureaucratic toil. Woman must be a cook, but not a competitive cook; a school mistress, but not a competitive schoolmistress; a house-decorator but not a competitive house-decorator; a dressmaker, but not a competitive dressmaker. She should have not one trade but twenty hobbies; she, unlike the man, may develop all her second bests.

This is what has been really aimed at from the first in what is called the seclusion, or even the oppression, of women. Women were not kept at home in order to keep them narrow; on the contrary, they were kept at home in order to keep them broad”

New Naptime Strategy

Preschool ended last week, and I am still working on the schedule adjustment. It is tiring for me to have kids running in the front door and out the back door all day long (including friends and neighbors)! I am working hard to keep a structured "resting time" in the afternoon, but we have been struggling. I have often called my kids "boomerangs" when it comes to nap time. It seems like they just cannot stay in their rooms! I do discipline them for coming out, but usually they do not come out for "evil" reasons. They usually have a valid excuse--need to go to the bathroom, experience of some personal injury, need a pencil sharpened, need to show me how a book tore, need Barbie's clothes put on, need to ask a question about some deep spiritual matter. With four kids, however, it gets to be much. Between the discipline and the problem-solving, I feel like "resting time" never really happens for me. Today we are trying something new.

Everyone is in separate rooms, and I put three rocks in front of each door. If they come out, for any reason, I will remove a rock. They must have a rock to get a gummy worm at the end of nap time. (Actually, while I wrote this post Ella lost two. She only has one "ticket to a gummy worm" left.) Oh, God be gracious to Ella. Give her strength to persevere!

I am reminded that many times, as a mother, when I feel overwhelmed...or disrespected...or out of control, I am the only one who can bring order. It requires discipline, and it is my responsibility. I must, by the grace of God, ask my children for forgiveness and start again being consistent. The rules must be clear, the consequences enforceable, and the mother strong! So, here we go again...

Update: Ella did not get a gummy worm. Hopefully she's learned from her experience. : )
I am open to suggestions on nap time.

Celebrating

"What you find joy in, you celebrate; what you celebrate, you pass on."

This is a quote from Will's message this morning. The sermon was in a series on parenting from Deuteronomy. I'm biased, I'm sure, but I think this is a great message on an important concept.

I'm brainstorming a bit...
These are some things I think my parents celebrated (and therefore passed on a love for):

ministry to people
sacrifice/giving up things they loved
prayer and answered prayer
family and church family
the Word (both for practical benefit and serious study)
reading
memories/good times together
travel
having many interests (crafts, sports, hobbies)
clutter-free living
music and singing together
popcorn : )
children and animals
nature and being outdoors (especially in Minnesota)

Mother's Day Tribute

"It was from you that I learned to be me."

My oldest daughter turns six tomorrow, on Mother's Day. My first real memories start between my fifth and sixth birthdays; before that time, I do not remember much about my childhood or my parents. I am realizing that my daughter will remember the conversations we are having today. Everything I do now, as a mother, has an effect on the person she will become. Today, on Mother's Day, I am thankful for the impact my godly mother had on me. Here are a few of the most important things she taught me:

1. Always clean your Kitchenaid mixer immediately after using it.

Mama is a Proverbs 31 woman in so many ways but mostly because of her diligence. She taught me to work with my hands and to prepare for the future. She created a peaceful home by keeping a well-ordered home. The disciplined way in which she lived her life gave her five children the foundation to excel in life.

2. Be predictably happy.

Mama was a thermostat, not a thermometer in our home. She set the tone by being calm instead of angry, joyful instead of depressed. I'm sure there were many times when Mama felt emotional or tired, but she had a peaceful demeanor by casting her anxieties on the Lord. We could borrow from that strength and feel that "all was right with the world" because all was right at home. She made our home a haven from the chaos everywhere else. We loved to be there. She was always there to talk, and she was almost always happy. : )

3. Get your instructions for life and parenting from God's Word.

I was born when my mother was only 19 years old. She was married at 17, right out of high school. She did not have a degree in child development when she started raising four children within six years (one more came nine years later). Mama simply studied God's Word and did what Proverbs said to do. She disciplined us and instructed us; she loved us and was patient with us. She trusted the Lord to give her wisdom daily for the challenges she would face in parenting.

4. Honor your parents and your in-laws (even if they are imperfect).

Mama did not have perfect parents (no one does), but she honored them. I am forever grateful for the way she treated both sets of my grandparents. She worked hard to make sure we spent time with them, and she spoke well of them. I loved them so much, and they all had a pivotal role in my spiritual development. From my Grandma Olson I learned about joy in the midst of adversity; from Grandpa Olson I learned about commitment. From Grandma LaPine I learned about hilarious generosity; from Grandpa LaPine I learned to have a soft heart toward the Lord. What a heritage!

5. Invest in homemaking.

I have long believed that Mama can do anything. She can decorate cakes, paint walls, wallpaper, crochet and knit, quilt and sew, cross stitch, cook, sing, tell stories, teach children, and lead a Bible study. She has often used these skills to make money for our family. But more importantly, she taught us that the home was a place to both find value and place value.

6. Love children and enjoy your husband.

One trait about Mama that I would love to develop (but still need to work on!) is her great love for children. For as long as I can remember, children have loved Mama. She is so enthusiastic with them and cares intimately about them. I remember being so proud of how my parents would banter with each other during VBS opening at our churches. They made things so much fun. Mama is so good at reading OR telling a story to kids. She values children, and they know it.
Mama also loves to be with my Papa. She'll drop anything to do what he wants to do, regardless of how crazy it may be. She has always been his lover and his friend.

7. Get up early.

I am working hard to be like Mama in this way. For as long as I can remember, Mama was up before me. This made things just seem "right." Now, I know she spends this early morning time in the Word and in prayer.

8. Make time with the Lord a priority.

In seventh grade, I attended the junior high school and had to leave for school earlier in the morning than the other kids. Mama got up every day and had devotions with me. We worked on memorizing 2 Timothy for a contest. That is a precious memory for me. My favorite memory with Mama, though, is of my senior year of high school. Mama broke her leg very badly when she fell on the ice in December. For many months she sat in a recliner in the living room, waiting for it to heal. In the evenings, I would help get her into bed. We would sit by each other on the bed and talk to the Lord about my future. Those were such special times for me. I was so confused about what to do with my life, but I learned from Mama to take one-day-at-a-time. She was confident that God would direct my steps as I waited on Him. And He did.

9. Trust God to provide for your needs, whether it be for money or relationships.

We moved several times during my childhood, and I know my mother struggled some to make friends at each new place. I remember one time, when there was no friend my age, that Mama prayed that God would provide for that need. He sent a friend for me. I learned that if He thought I needed a friend, He would provide the friend. I also learned from Mama to give to others; it is the best cure for loneliness.

Mama also taught me about the power of prayer. There were many times when we did not have the money to pay for various needs. During high school, we kept a list on the kitchen cupboard door of our financial requests and God's provision. This was a great tool in increasing my faith.

10. Make sure of your salvation and live in God's grace.

When I was six years old, I clearly remember going to Mama (she was sewing) and being very concerned about my salvation. I knew I had made a decision to accept Christ a few years earlier with Papa, but I was beginning to understand more about the gospel. I doubted whether I had really understood everything necessary. She encouraged me to make sure right then. Mama often went back to the gospel in many areas of parenting. I am thankful that she understood God's grace both in her life and in mine. She did not pretend to be perfect, but knew that we were both on the same journey toward sanctification. Mama also understood that I was a sinner, and that the foolishness "bound up" in me needed to be removed through discipline. I am so thankful for her insight into my personality and spiritual development.

"Her children rise up and call her blessed."
Proverbs 31

Do you like ME?

Yesterday I was hugging my third child and saying, "I really like you, Ella!"
Of course, my oldest came up and asked the age-old question, "Do you like ME?"
The conversation continued...

Mama: "Sure I do! I like Ella very much. I like Zeke very much. I like Tad very much and I like Kaisa very much."

Kaisa: "You said you like Tad in a more liking kind of voice."


2 Corinthians 10:12
We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.

10 Reasons to Turn Off the TV

There are ten reasons in this article I found online. There is really nothing novel in the article, but it bears being repeated!

Recently I read a small work of fiction published in the early 1950s by Moody Press called Deep Thunder. It was an interesting read about a young pastor in a liberal church and his journey toward good biblical interpretation, exegetical preaching, and the true gospel. The thing that stunned me about the book was how the college students portrayed in the book discussed literature, theater, and the like in their everyday conversations. It was amazing! The point of the book was not to demonstrate how well-read these characters were, but it came through. My, how things have changed! I was reminded again how much good reading and conversing could be done if we just turned off the television.

The author of the above mentioned article elaborates on the following points:

1. Television eats your time
2. Television makes you stressed
3. Television makes you overweight
4. Television makes you uninteresting
5. Television ruins your relationships
6. Television is not relaxation
7. Television loses opportunities
8. Television is addictive
9. Television makes you buy things
10. Television costs money

Quotable Kids

Every night when Daddy comes home, he asks the kids what they did that day. Recently, Tad decided that the usual answers were boring. Instead of the usual "went to the park" or "cleaned up the house", he told Daddy that we went to Disneyland. He described our experiences in great detail (even though Tad's never actually been there!). This has come to be the standing joke around here. The kids like to see what kind of far-out tales they can tell Daddy about the day. Well, last night Kaisa and Tad said that they had gone to heaven! Their theology was immediately revealed. Tad told us about the gold streets. Kaisa explained that the houses had no beds as there is no night or naptime in heaven. Will and I both laughed at her final comment:

"And we didn't sin at all when we were there! But we started sinning right away when we got back here!"

An important reminder

This is a great post from the blog Ordinary Mother. Laurie points out a lie that I have often believed. Here's a bit from the post.

Perhaps the most helpful insight was when Dave pointed out that the fatal flaw of feminism is that it assumes women have multiple best efforts. This simply isn’t true. We can buy into the Christian version of this lie and think that we can “have it all”. We can host play groups, make meals for others, go to the gym, decorate the house exquisitely, have a little home industry, etc.** But the truth is, if any of the good things in that list begin to infringe on my first & best effort, I am not effectively doing what is my primary calling: to serve my husband and children.

"Why you a nice mama?"

My third child, Ella, has a terrible middle-of-the-night habit. She will, without warning, let out a blood-curdling scream. Usually the purpose for this shriek is blankets that have gone awry or a lost stuffed friend. It drives us all crazy. When I hear it, my heart starts pounding, my skin crawls...and I get mad! Kaisa, who is supposed to share a double bed with Ella, has decided that it is more peaceful to sleep with Tad in his room.
Last night, Ella, started screaming at 3:00 a.m. I jumped from my bed and ran to her room to check on her. Her pillow had fallen on the floor. Still upset myself at the interruption of my sleep, I slammed the pillow on her bed and tucked her back in hurriedly. I noticed, though, that Ella smelled like she also had a dirty diaper. I knew I couldn't leave her there without changing her, so I slowed myself down and went to find a diaper and wipes. I came back and changed her diaper (more compassionately now). She looked up at me and asked "Why you a nice mama?" My first reaction to such a sweet question was to say, "Because I love you." But I knew that the love wasn't in me. The better answer came to me next, "Because God has been so good to me." That is the only reason I have any mercy to pass on...because God has been merciful to me.